see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
