I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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