so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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