Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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