Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
