i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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