My cat gives me a boner
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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