why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
