I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
