guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
