my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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