Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
