just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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