Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
