the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
