you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
