Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
