and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Randomize
