sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
