4 words: hood of his car
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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