Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have aggressive nipples.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
