Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
