You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
