As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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