At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
