It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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