I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
third nipple confirmed
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
