I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
