Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
