Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
