69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
