question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize