I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
