the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
