i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
