I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize