3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
