6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize