Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
