I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
