Umm I'm too high to move.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
