Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize