I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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