I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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