dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I want to have your abortion
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
