Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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