i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize