walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize