Whod you bang
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
