I met the friendliest cop last night
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
