how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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