woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
