ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
