Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
