I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
