I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
