Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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