After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
