we have officially lost it.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We got so high we made milksteak
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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