We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
