Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Houston, we have a squirter
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
