dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize