I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
